When you approach a colleague to work with you on a project or to support your idea in some way, here are some tips:

• State your needs clearly. Identify not only what you need from your peer but the benefits to your peer of helping you. In any negotiation, as seasoned labor negotiators know, it is important to recognize that the needs and concerns of both parties are legitimate and of equal importance and that any final solution must reflect both persons’ interests.
  
• Be prepared to hear your colleague out. Old-time negotiators will tell you that they didn’t win in the first few minutes of discussion. They had to be prepared for refusal at first. So be prepared to listen to your colleague without interruption. And don’t be thinking of how to rebut the points your colleague is making as he or she is speaking. Your goal is to find some common ground from which you can build a partnership.
  
• Identify areas of mutual need. Focus first on getting agreement on the situation and fully understanding your colleague’s needs and interests before searching for a solution both of you can live with. Shared needs and interests can be the foundation for development of a solution to your problem.
  
• Explain the WHY. Having a full understanding of the reason for your need may make it easier for your colleague to evaluate the pros and cons of various work relationships that might give you or your team the hand it needs.
  
• Be as flexible as possible. Maybe your peer can’t lend you his or her computer expert for a week. Find out why not. Maybe you can reach a compromise. Maybe you can get the use of the staff member for two days in return for providing the department with clerical support on a problem it is having.
  
• If you can’t agree on the big issues, try to find agreement on the small ones. This can give you a collaborative foundation from which you can address the more important concerns at a later time.
  
• Look for verbal and nonverbal clues to discover how your colleague is reacting to your idea. Maybe the individual’s first response was to talk about how helping you would make it impossible for him or her to achieve the important outcomes for his or her department at the end of the year. Ask yourself what you can do to help make these year-end goals.
  
• Watch body language, too, to see if it is in sync with the verbal message. Arms crossed or legs crossed may be a sign of defensiveness, even of an unwillingness to listen, whereas leaning toward you suggests an interest or enthusiasm. Nonverbal cues are as important to monitor in interpersonal communications as the content of the conversations to identify how to negotiate with the person to achieve your end.